Friends

I love my friends. They mean the world to me. Family was never my top priority. Why should they be? They give me food, the clothes on my back, my education, my financial support. They give me the means to live. My friends? They're the reason why I live. I just want to be with them forever!

I've been through a lot. I've been through too much.

Sometimes, I wish I was born stupid. I wish I didn't understand a thing. What's scarier, not knowing the answers or knowing everything that's going to happen, no matter how terrifying they seem? I don't like understanding problems or having to know them in the first place. I don't think a child should have to go through all that.

People often tell me things like: "You don't know anything" or "For a smart girl you're pretty good at being dumb". You can't ever tell a person those things. Everybody has a reason for doing what they do.

I hope my friends really love me. I promised myself I'll always be anything for them. Anything.

I've never been afraid of the dark, going to the bathroom alone, clowns or anything every child was supposed to be afraid of but when I woke up alone in the room I would scream and scream for my mother and every time I screamed and she never came I don't know... She came in the end but I cried her name a lot. I know that she was busy or couldn't hear me but I think that's what frightened me.

My friends, are you busy? I can help you! I can even do it for you. Just... please don't leave me alone. Don't cry or be scared. I'm right here, see? If you're feeling scared I'll be here to make it all better. If somebody ever threatens you, I'll be there to jump in front of you, whether it's a fist or a gun, I don't care. Nobody is going to hurt you. No matter how many times I get hurt I'm not going to die, I won't leave you. And... if you feel like you need to have new friends, I'll be there to push you towards them.

Don't worry, if you need me I'll always be here. I... know, I don't want to be alone. But others being alone hurts me too. Sometimes I feel like I'll never be happy. I'm too selfless yet I'm also selfish. I'd put other people before myself even if it meant hurting myself.